I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
