Where did you get a picture of my penis
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
