I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
