He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
