That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
