I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
