WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
