I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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