WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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