I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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