we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
