His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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