It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
