tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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