Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
