Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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