How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
