i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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