just survived the first fart of the relationship.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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