it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
