how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
