I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
