So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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