My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
