my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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