she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My vagina just recognized that song.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
