We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Let's get the cat blown out
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
