Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
