If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
