To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
