420 ftw
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
