I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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