Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
