Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
