im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
