i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
this is an emotional support booty call
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
