I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
