If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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