Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
