we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
