Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
