apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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