We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
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