Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
