You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
