She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
