dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
