he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
