why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
