just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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