Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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