the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
